Is this information genuinely helpful? One trouble with the "impostor" label is that an impostor is not merely inadequate. An impostor is also a cheat, a fraud, someone who intentionally deceives other people. The personal shame associated with perceived inadequacy now has an overlay of moral guilt: I am wronging others by deliberately covering up my shortcomings. Well-meaning suggestions like "fake it until you make it" reinforce this idea that we have to lie if we don’t think we’re good enough. Many of us can’t get comfortable with lying, and nor should we. … [Read more...] about Shame, Guilt, and Impostor Syndrome
Shame vs guilt
Perspective-taking involves looking at the self or the environment from a different perspective. In the example above, Jeffrey might have chosen to look at the situation from his father’s perspective rather than analyzing his own perspective/feelings. This would have led him to see that his father would feel betrayed by Jeffrey if he found out about the car damage in a way other than Jeffrey volunteering the information. This would probably lead him to the same conclusion: He must tell his father. … [Read more...] about Does Thinking About Problems Make Them Better?
Men and women marry young in Hasidic communities, often as young as the law allows. Hasidic parents typically arrange their children’s marriages and the couple have little say in the choice of their spouses. In most married Hasidic couples, the wives are responsible for all household duties such as cooking, cleaning, and child care. Wives also often earn money within the community but outside the home, at least until they have children. Husbands devote their lives to studying the Torah, and may also work for pay. While this arrangement is traditional, it does not necessarily imply abuse. Many Hasidic men value their wives and treat them well, making their lives easier by providing love and practical support. … [Read more...] about Ultra-Orthodox Jews, Domestic Violence, and Coercive Control