Another paradox arises because impostor syndrome often involves a deep fear of being "unmasked." Outspokenly owning one’s impostor syndrome risks drawing attention to the very inadequacies we are supposedly trying to conceal, and highlighting our history of supposed deception. Shame and guilt conspire to make this a huge challenge: ironically, the worse one’s impostor syndrome is, the harder it will be to accept it in public. Meanwhile, once we are surrounded by other people discussing their impostor syndrome, it can seem boastful to say that we are free of the condition: the ethics of modesty encourages us to join the crowd of self-diagnosed impostors. … [Read more...] about Shame, Guilt, and Impostor Syndrome
Shame vs guilt society
Exploration. This involves seeking out new or additional information that adds to or changes the current view of the self or the environment. In the above situation, Jeffrey might inquire as to how much it would cost to repair the damage and when the repair shop would be available to do so. This would help Jeffrey see his culpability from an accurate perspective and understand what is necessary to correct his error. Knowing what he needs to do to make it OK with his father could provide some relief. … [Read more...] about Does Thinking About Problems Make Them Better?
De Waal’s discussion of how chimp societies are so strongly dominated by a coalition of males with an alpha at its apex, whereas no alpha male in a bonobo society can exercise power without the support of the group’s leading females, is reading worth pondering by any with a serious interest in the dynamics of power and gender among us humans. De Waal effectively stands his ground against critics who, he contends, treat the bonobo as an unimportant species that was turned into the “make love not war" ape primarily for its utility in 20th and 21st century humankind’s “culture wars.” As in Our Inner Ape, he provides considerable evidence that the differences between chimps and bonobos are real and striking, that there is no evidence that humans are any more closely related to the more aggressive chimpanzees than to the less aggressive and almost matriarchal bonobos. The wide array of behavioral styles visible in human … [Read more...] about Showing the Alpha Male the Door
Many abused Hasidic women do everything in their power to make their marriages work. Some tolerate the abuse in silence throughout their lives, knowing they will be blamed if word gets out. If abuse victims ultimately decide to end their marriage, they know they risk being shunned, shamed, stigmatized, and considered selfish. Any “stain” on the family, such as divorce, makes the children less valuable as future marriage partners. (A Hasidic man who ends his marriage faces similar pressures). Some divorcing Hasidic survivors of domestic abuse try to stay in the community, but they may be pushed out since their rabbis and friends shun divorce. … [Read more...] about Ultra-Orthodox Jews, Domestic Violence, and Coercive Control