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Source: Pixabay, CC0 Public Domain I’m honored that I’ll be giving a Public Lecture at the University of California, Berkeley on the topic: Changing Careers: Myths and Best Practice. Here's what I'm planning to say. Media outlets make career-change seem easier than it is. Pop-psych gurus like Dr. Phil and Oprah and even the news media profile people who made a 180 and imply that with some hard work, if you can dream it, you can do it. Fact is, most would-be career changers end up making just a career tweak,  for example, changing their specialization from general psychotherapist to eating disorder specialist. Or they might change bosses or places of employment.  But they don’t make the dramatic career change that the media would have us believe. Successfully changing careers usually requires the use of best practices. Here, I’ll share what has worked best for my countless clients who wanted to change careers. Which career? Consider under-the-radar … [Read more...] about Changing Career

Source: Pixabay, Public Domain Tom’s parents started addicting him early: “Mom. Can I get a pair of Nikes?”  She replied, “They’re $100. You can get good sneakers at Target for $20.” “But mom, everyone’s got ‘em. I really want 'em. Please!”  And so Tom got his first hit of luxury. Alas, as with recreational drugs, luxury’s allure becomes addictive, requiring an ever bigger dose. Tom’s parents begged him to consider starting college at community college but he insisted, “You gotta be kidding! My friends are going to USC, NYU and so on, and you want me to go to community college?!” “It’s more than a quarter million dollars and community college is nearly free! And there’s no evidence that students who start at community college do worse.” But although Tom's parents were aware they were fueling his designer-label values, fearing they somehow might be shortchanging their … [Read more...] about Is Luxury Worth It for You? For Your Holiday Gift Giving?

On May 13, 2019, I quit nicotine completely. I had been compulsively vaping (using an electronic cigarette) for about four years. I was intermittently smoking cigarettes, using nicotine gum, and trying to find any way to quit altogether. I read scores of articles about how to quit. Some encouraged nicotine replacement therapy (NRT) like gum, patches, or lozenges, while others swore by total abstinence and quitting cold-turkey. The anxiety that was wrapped around the possibility of quitting was paralyzing. I would talk myself out of it day by day, swearing that I would do it eventually. As the days passed, the anxiety didn’t lessen. As the weeks passed, my will to quit did not grow stronger. As the years passed, my self-efficacy slowly drained. Then, one day, with seemingly no catalyst or precipitating event, the decision was as clear as day. It was time. Granted, it did not feel like the right time. I had 100 reasons why it was absolutely not the right time. For whatever … [Read more...] about 6 Steps to Quit Vaping or Smoking

Source: Wikimedia, CC 3.0 Today is the 1,000th day in a row that I’ve written an article here on PsychologyToday.com. This seems a good time to offer what I believe are my most helpful self-help tips. I'll close with some popular advice I think is horrible. MY BEST TIPS From my eight books and 3,000+ articles, these may be my most useful, not obvious tips: Use the traffic-light rule. During the first 30 seconds of an utterance, your light is green—People are listening. During the second 30 seconds, your light is yellow—Chances are increasing they’d like you to stop so they can add or ask something, or simply think you're self-absorbed or boring. After 60 seconds, your light is red—Stop or ask a question. Be time-effective. Time is our most valuable possession. Most people waste lots of it. Of course, that means avoiding too much time in front of the tube, playing sports, etc. But it also means frequently and time-effectively using Google search, … [Read more...] about Best and Worst Self-Help Tips

What does an angry person look like? Yelling? Throwing things? Slamming doors?These are all symptoms of anger dumping, something we explored last month in What Kind of Angry Are You? (Part 1). There's a second type of anger, though, that is harder to notice, but feels just as powerful to the person experiencing it. It's called withholder/suppressor anger. Look at the following statements and check off the ones that sound like you when you're angry: I become buried in my work I overeat I absorb myself in TV shows or movies I play on the computer for hours I withdraw from others and sulk I exercise excessively I shop excessively I blast music I criticize myself or feel guilty I become passive about pursuing my goals I drink heavily or use drugs I get depressed If you see yourself in these statements, you are most likely an anger withholder. The above are all avoidance methods, ways for you to zone out in the short run, and feel better quickly, rather than address your anger and deal … [Read more...] about What Kind of Angry Are You? (Part 2)