For simplicity's sake, I refer to heterosexual women in this post, but what I discuss here definitely applies to heterosexual men and non-heterosexual individuals as well. Source: Phovoir/Shutterstock Many of us are familiar with this scenario: Mr. Nice Guy is cute, sweet, interesting, smart, and available. Even better, he is interested in a relationship with you. The only problem is that you just aren't that into him. Mr. Bad Guy, on the other hand, is on your mind 24/7. Like Mr. Nice Guy, Mr. Bad Guy has a lot of good qualities, but he is either unavailable for a relationship in general, or unavailable for a relationship with you, because he just isn't that into you. Despite his continual rejection, however, you cannot seem to get him off your mind. The more he rejects you and the more forcefully he indicates that he doesn't want to be with you, the more interested you seem to become. Why do we develop this bad habit of wanting what we cannot … [Read more...] about Why We Obsess Over People Who Don’t Want Us
Some may point to leaders that seem to succeed even though they behave uncivilly, but I believe those people have succeeded despite their incivility. Studies by Morgan McCall including those with Michael Lombardo while they were with the Center for Creative Leadership, have shown that the number one characteristic associated with an executive’s failure is “an insensitive, abrasive or bullying style,” while the second is “aloofness or arrogance.” Power can force compliance, but disrespect or insensitivity can sabotage support in crucial situations. It’s generally an approach that is only effective in the short-term, not for building enduring leadership success. I’ve learned that how you treat people means everything—whether they will build relationships with you, trust you, follow you, support you, and work hard for you. Civil people usually have more opportunities for collaboration handed to them. Think about it: If you needed help from a … [Read more...] about Do Nice People Finish Last?
The 2020 Democratic presidential debates that aired on NBC in June 2019 were replete with negative comments by younger candidates toward the older tier of presidential hopefuls. Such expressions as “passing the torch” suggest that those younger candidates believe that age alone defines in a negative way an individual’s value system, attitudes, and political savvy. At the same time, there is a global movement, in line with the World Health Organization’s Sustainable Development Goals, to build Age-Friendly Communities, a movement that has spread to university campuses as well in the Age-Friendly University initiative. Why, given the backdrop of a population that is aging, and the recognition that having healthy older adults benefits the world as a whole, would political candidates take such an age unfriendly stance? One might argue that the older generation should indeed pass the torch rather than edge out the young. Indeed, the quality of … [Read more...] about Are You Letting Ageism Affect the Way You Judge People?
‘Inside Out’ is the nation’s #1 movie. Critics and audiences are raving about it. Adults cry because of it. Even scientists applaud its scientific accuracy. But how reflective is it of marginalized peoples’ minds and lived realities? What would it look like if the ‘Inside Out’ movie explored the inner workings and psychological experiences of marginalized peoples? Read on. (Warning: There might be some spoilers) Source: Source: The Walt Disney Company As many writers, film critics, movie lovers, and even scientists have raved, Disney Pixar’s latest animated film – ‘Inside Out’ – does an excellent job of dramatizing super technical, daunting, and potentially boring scientific processes and presenting them to a general audience in an understandable, age-appropriate, palatable, and entertaining manner. ‘Inside Out’ can serve as a nice conversation starter with kids about stressors (e.g., life … [Read more...] about We Can Dream: A Marginalized Peoples Version of ‘Inside Out’
My mother with whom I went no contact three years ago has waged an outright war against me. Never mind that what she says about me is packed with lies and exaggeration; she seems committed to ruining my life and reputation. She’s managed to win my siblings over to her side but that doesn’t seem to be enough. She’s even taken to social media and she’s 66! What makes someone that motivated to hurt someone? We’re seven years post-divorce and it never stops. I’ve remarried and he’s living with someone in what appears to be a committed relationship but I swear he wakes up every morning and the first thought that comes to his mind is how he can somehow make me pay. He drags me into court every chance he can. Does this make him happy? What would motivate him to hurt me and our children in this way? Source: Photo by Kadre. Copyright free. Pixabay. Apart from a few saintly types, most of us have for a few minutes or perhaps longer … [Read more...] about The Psychology of Revenge (and Vengeful People)