Its going to hurt

Self-control is the key to success in most walks of life. Plenty of bright young people flunk out of school just because they’re bored or too easily distracted, and it’s the ones who are determined to stick it out despite the challenges that graduate. Likewise in the workforce, self-control is the key to the outstanding job performance that leads to raises and promotions. Another aspect of life where self-control is essential: intimate relationships. No matter how much you love your partner, there will be times when you’ll want to do something you know will hurt them. Impulsive partners wreck their relationships with their thoughtless misdeeds, while those with self-control hold their urges in check and keep their eye on the long-term. Less clear is whether self-control is also important when you’re looking for a romantic partner. On the one hand, if you exercise too much self-control, you might not follow up on potential dating opportunities that could lead to the love of … [Read more...] about Self-Control and Dating Success

One of the strangest aspects of the current pandemic has been the denial practiced by so many of its victims — not to mention the extent to which this denial has often contributed to the victimization itself. Stranger yet is that this denial apparently includes not only people who haven’t contracted the virus or know anyone who has, but even some who actually test positive. Even more astounding is the degree to which said denial seems to have permeated the attitudes of some who refuse to accept the reality of their situation even as they are dying of it. This denial is not “merely” a refusal to acknowledge their own impending death (not in itself uncommon), but an insistence that the cause isn’t COVID because that isn’t a genuine, life-threatening disease but rather, a hoax dreamed up by political liberals seeking to undermine the presidency of Donald Trump. Strange indeed. Or maybe not. As quoted in The Washington Post of November 16, Judy Doering — an emergency room nurse … [Read more...] about The Pied Piper of the Pandemic

Source: Wikimedia Commons This is the second part of a two-part posting. To read Part 1, click here . At the same time, we human beings are eternally hoping and waiting for someone to save us from our existential predicament, and we tend to project these hopes onto some celebrity, leader , guru, teacher, therapist, etc. Psychologically speaking, consciously or unconsciously, we all seek a savior, a messiah. This archetypal tendency can be seen as an expression of what existential therapist Irvin Yalom refers to as the universal hope for an "ultimate rescuer": an omnipotent force or being that unconditionally loves and protects us from the vagaries and vicissitudes of existence in ways similar to those of a good parent. Someone who will rescue us from the burden of our existential aloneness, freedom, and responsibility. Relieve our existential suffering. Belief in and blind allegiance to such a messiah figure allows us to slough off our freedom and personal … [Read more...] about The Savior, the Devil, and Donald Trump

Source: Jose Antonio Sánchez Reyes | Dreamstime Stock Photos Psychological depression occurs in at least 25% of all primary care patients in the United States and yet only about one-third of these people are diagnosed as depressed. Mental illness is not an isolated issue but is associated with such physical compromise as obesity , cardiovascular disease, diabetes, and cancer (American Psychological Association, 2017). It is estimated that over 14 million people in the United States suffer from major depressive disorder (Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance, 2017). The good news is that depression is a highly treatable disorder with medication and with such psychological approaches as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (recognizing and stopping maladaptive thinking and replacing this with more adaptive thoughts and behaviors), Mindfulness Therapy (being present with symptoms and not letting troublesome thoughts drift to the past or future), and Behavioral Therapy … [Read more...] about A New Approach to Reducing Depression

I asked the late writer and noted AIDS activist Larry Kramer, in our last interview , whether he had forgiven Dr. Anthony Fauci—years after accusing the nation’s best-known infectious disease expert of “murder,” holding him personally and publicly responsible for the deaths of hundreds of thousands of gay men, among the estimated 32.7 million people worldwide to die in the ongoing 40-year-old HIV pandemic. Kramer dismissed the notion of forgiveness. “It’s much too Christian a concept,” he said, “and I don’t believe in God.” As it happens, however, forgiveness isn’t only for Christians, and it doesn’t even have to involve God. It’s also not typically a one-time proposition where you simply put aside the hurt or offense, brush off your feelings, and move on as though nothing happened. “Forgiveness is a choice one makes over and over again,” writes Beata Souders , an optimal performance coach, positive psychology expert, flow and motivation science researcher. She … [Read more...] about Forgive Those Who Trespass Against You, for Your Own Sake