The more you get to know a friend who is suffering, the more you appreciate and care deeply about their pain; and the more you naturally want to make it better. Similarly, as you pay attention to your struggles and gain more inner awareness, self-understanding will increase. And with it will come compassion, which will motivate you to seek a happier life. This might mean making some changes, but it also might mean just taking a new perspective in your current life. You can develop this compassionate self-awareness in many ways. Below is one approach: Ask yourself, “What am I feeling?” Be specific about the emotions you are experiencing. Ask yourself, “What am I thinking?” Consider your thoughts about yourself, others, and your situation. Rather than just thinking those thoughts, reflect upon them much as you would reflect upon someone else sharing their thoughts with you. Also, consider how these thoughts affect your emotions. For instance, you might observe … [Read more...] about Find Happiness Without Having to Change a Thing
Homeless contestant changes his life
I list the top 5 blog posts for you below, starting with number 5: 5. The Power of Positive Thinking; Put in Perspective There are times when thinking happy thoughts can help to make you happier, but there are also times when it can make you more upset. So, it is essential to know when to apply the power of positive thinking. 4. How to Stop the Self-Criticism and Feel Better About You Learn how to combine compassionate self-awareness with cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) strategies to reduce self-criticism and improve self-confidence and self-esteem. 3. How High Self-Esteem Can Get Us Down While high self-esteem can help you feel good about yourself, it can paradoxically lead to you being hyper-critical of yourself. So, it is important to understand it and be careful about how you pursue it. 2. How to Feel Good or at least Stop Feeling Bad We would all be like the population of Garrison Keillor’s Lake Wobegon – “where all the women are strong, all the men are good … [Read more...] about Top Five Making Change Blog Posts
Mentalization – a concept developed by psychoanalyst Peter Fonagy – is the ability to understand on an intellectual and emotional level the way people (including you) think, feel, and experience themselves and the world. It enables you to understand why people act as they do and to have empathy for their experiences. With this way of understanding and connecting with yourself and others, you can maintain a compassionate stance in relationships, which will help nurture happy, healthy connections – including how you relate to yourself. It will also enable you to remain motivated to reach for goals and support yourself through difficult times. It can even help you to navigate situations and politics at work, since so much of that has to do with the way people think about and approach their tasks and others. To engage this amazing ability, you must be able to take the perspective of a third party observer. When you are seeing the world through your own eyes, so to speak, … [Read more...] about Proper Perspective and the Happy Life
One of the invisible obstacles that we don't see is our style of relating to others. It can create conflict, anger, loneliness, depression, anxiety, and a host of other kinds of distress. We begin learning right from birth how to relate to people. As infants, we respond to the expressions we see in our parents' eyes. Particularly through the early years of childhood, we form our understanding of who we are and how others will respond to us. Our style of attachment to our parents (particularly our mothers) becomes how we connect to others through our lives. One way to think about attachment styles is based on the work of Kim Bartholomew and involves people's levels of avoidance and anxiety. People can range from low to high on each of these. This lays out four basic styles of attachment: Secure Attachment (low avoidance, low anxiety): If you relate positively to others and yourself, you probably have a secure attachment style. Securely attached people are generally happy in their … [Read more...] about Learning Your Attachment Style Can Light Up Your Life
When couples fight, they often make reckless and mean-spirited statements that they often regret when the battle is over. Nevertheless, these words can still cumulatively damage the relationship over time. All intimate relationships have their own “acceptable” words and phrases that the partners are willing to forgive after the fight is over. They intuitively know what they must never say, even in the heat of battle. But there are other argumentative interactions that can exact a different but equally threatening price. Repeated disputes that are never adequately resolved can also cumulatively damage a relationship over time. The way that couples resolve their disagreements after a battle can prevent that from happening. Partners who are able to review what ensued in the disagreement calmly and with an eye to do better in the future, are far more likely to successfully rebuild their relationship after they end their dispute. Interacting that way is … [Read more...] about Do You Still Love Me?