Source: annacapictures / Pixabay So picture this: You receive an email from Dan, a longtime co-worker and friend. You quickly realize that the email was not meant for you but was, rather, meant for a different colleague in your department. You happen to be running for an elected leadership position as area director against your long-standing nemesis, Maria. The content of Dan's email, which is meant for another departmental colleague, Sara, includes this statement: "While he's definitely my best friend at work, I totally think Maria will do a waaaaay better job. We should vote for her. I know I'm going to." You sit there at your desk stunned. You can barely even think. After what seems an eternity, you receive another email. It is Dan, apologizing and trying to explain himself. "Too late, Dan—I know your true colors now!" you think to yourself. So Dan pretty much raked you over the coals and just like that, Dan has gone from the category of friend to foe in your … [Read more...] about Forgiveness Through an Evolutionary Lens
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We often talk about narcissists needing to see their reflection in others, to surround themselves with people who can reflect back to them what they want to see. It can also be useful to apply this concept to those who are involved with a narcissist and ask, “What does a narcissist reflect back to me about myself?” Although narcissistic abuse is often subtle in nature, relying on manipulation and deceit, it may also be stark. If you’re on the receiving end of it, you’ll likely know that you only have a limited range of moves. If you step out of line, even very slightly, the narcissist may respond quickly and effectively. Your choices are in many ways limited to what suits the narcissist; they cannot tolerate anyone who acts in a way that questions their view of the world. You may, therefore, have to reflect the narcissist’s view of themselves and the world back to them. But what’s being reflected back to you as a result? What do you see in yourself as the result of being … [Read more...] about What Does a Narcissist Reflect Back to You About Yourself?
It's morning. Your alarm buzzes and you're pulled from a dream (a nightmare!) in which your romantic partner ate the last piece of your birthday cake. As your mind adjusts to consciousness, you're assaulted by fleeting images of a frosting covered knife and your partner blatantly lying about the dust of crumbs on the counter. The sun is forcing you awake, but you still feel the betrayal. This betrayal may have happened in a dream, but it can affect your relationship. The mind dreams... then what happens? Scientists are interested in how the content of dreams may affect real-life relationships. Dreams are often quite social, full of interpersonal situations. Some of these interpersonal situations are intensely anxiety -provoking (Oh no! You forgot your anniversary!), anger invoking (They did what?) and others are blissful wish-fulfillment (An evening in Italy!). When dreams include our close relationship partners, like our romantic partners, best friends, or children, what … [Read more...] about Do Your Dreams Include Your Partner? Here’s What You Need to Know
You can take all sorts of surveys and assessments to better understand the strength of your relationship. But we want to propose that a single question—what we call "The Brag Test"—can tell you everything you need to know about the strength of your marriage . Source: Photo by Timo Stern on Unsplash We know what you're thinking. "What is the Brag Test and what can it tell me about my marriage?" It’s basically this. When you're talking about your partner in front of other people—friends, work colleagues, or family members—do you most often complain, criticize, or insult them or do you mostly brag about them, praising their accomplishments, best qualities, and strengths? If you answered "yes" to the second part of the question, you passed. In fact, you get an A+ on The Brag Test. It's a sign that you and your partner have built your relationship on a foundation of mutual respect and appreciation. If you didn't—if you find yourself criticizing, complaining, and … [Read more...] about Does Your Marriage Pass the Brag Test?
Source: andremsantana/ Pixabay What is happiness and why is it so elusive? I will start with what it is not. Happiness is not contentment, it’s more than that. Happiness is not pleasure (an acute state that is pleasing), it’s more than that. Descriptors such as joy, delight, blissfulness, and jubilation better capture the essence of happiness in that they suggest a greater enthusiasm or dynamism. What does happiness look like? Often, it’s a certain smile. Perhaps it’s a shout. Have you ever seen any of the Peanuts cartoons or movies wherein Snoopy does his “happy dance?” Now that is happy. Three Facets of Happiness: Protection, Destination, Joy I believe there are three facets to happiness: protection, destination, and joy. Happiness can be elusive for many reasons, but I believe it becomes far more attainable when you realize that two of the three facets of happiness are actually illusions. They are barriers that must be overcome. Let’s start with protection. Human … [Read more...] about The Three Facets of Happiness