Some patients are receptive to a more realistic explanation of sex differences, but others seem indoctrinated. One such patient was a young college student who found it difficult to socialize and avoided attending class because he felt he might be “triggered.” He was eager to be in a relationship, but women kept “ghosting him,” and he couldn’t understand why. He told me he had been seeing a therapist who is an expert in male mental health, who encouraged him to “always express his emotions freely,” as this was “truly who he was.” His therapist suggested that the patient put it all out there on his dates with women for this is the nature of intimacy and the sine qua non of the modern man. … [Read more...] about Reviving Romeo
Guilt trip or guilt trip
Similarly, an offender might experience more shame than guilt. While shame and guilt share many features, guilt is much more focused on one truly feeling badly about what he or she has done. Shame focuses more on one’s concern about being seen in a negative light by others. A shameful response would be more like, “I do feel bad. But I feel bad because I got caught and because everyone knows what I did. I don’t feel guilty about the transgression, however.” … [Read more...] about Et tu, Brute?
As we see it, the path to forgiveness (which, by the way, is the fourth of the four horsemen in this model) is not an easy one. Under ancestral conditions, someone who automatically forgave others for transgressions that had the capacity to cause damage to oneself or one’s family would have been at a disadvantage because he or she could be easily exploited for the gain of others. In our model, we refer to such automatic forgiveness as “Divine Forgiveness,” thinking that really only a true saint could be capable of such forgiveness. … [Read more...] about Why Betrayal Is So Devastating
Perhaps you’ve been motivated to work because you’re afraid that if you’re not working hard enough, you won’t be able to provide for your family. If this is the case, you’ve been relying on controlled regulation. In fact, fear has been a critical factor in driving your work. Try shifting your motivation from fear to love for your family. The energy motivating your work will be more positive and generative, leading to more significant gains over time. … [Read more...] about How to Get (and Stay) Motivated All Year Long
The greatest damage, however, lies not in the flimsiness of nutrition's conventional wisdom, but the psychological impact of the food lessons we impart. Rather than promoting the healthy lifestyle we claim we want for our children, parents are inadvertently teaching them the worst possible attitudes about food, weight and self-image. Whatever perceived benefit parents imagine they accomplish by laying out food rules is far outweighed by the larger damage they are doing to children’s feelings about food, weight, and by extension, about themselves. Linking food to praise, guilt, health and illness—to name just a few of the burdens we’ve placed on the quotidian task of eating—is terrible for everyone, but especially for children, both physically and psychologically. … [Read more...] about Break Your Food Rules