What is gaslighting precisely? It takes its name from a play and then a 1944 movie called Gaslight starring Charles Boyer and Ingrid Bergman. In it, Boyer manipulates Bergman and distracts her from his criminality by trying to convince her that she is going insane. And that’s what gaslighters do: They make the target believe that his or her grip on reality is tenuous at best and non-existent at worst. The most common tactics are insisting that something that happened didn’t, dismissing a claim by saying it was simply imagined, or telling the person flat out that she or he is losing it or crazy. Gaslighters exploit their target’s fears, insecurities, vulnerabilities, and neediness to their own ends. … [Read more...] about Narcissists, Controllers, and the Art of Blame-Shifting
Dealing guilt cheating
“There is considerable continuity between the frequency with which specific people and avocations appear in a dream series and the intensity of waking personal concerns about those people and avocations… The relative frequencies of dream elements reveal the relative intensity of the dreamer’s personal concern with that element in waking thought.” … [Read more...] about Dreaming in Adolescence and Young Adulthood
It gets even worse. In the study of moral psychology, experimental results show that people tend to embrace facts that support their moral choices. Why? People want to avoid the guilt they’d feel if their choice causes suffering. That’s why the NYC progressive embraces the most drastic spread-of-disease predictions and downplays the needs of people to return to their jobs. And that’s why the small town business person in an area with few COVID-19 cases searches for news that proves the disease isn’t so deadly, perhaps even that it’s a hoax. It’s a battle of choices fought with chosen facts that may send our country careening toward an exhausting post-pandemic blame game. It would be tragic, if, as a country we ended as damaged as Sophie, who after losing both her daughter, and very likely her son, turned to alcohol and an abusive lover, and eventually took her own life. … [Read more...] about Sophie’s Choice
DS: During the past four years, we’ve become used to having our optimism crushed again and again. It began with Trump’s election and has been followed by the horrors perpetrated by his administration. Then came the murder of George Floyd. The movement was motivated by the video of his sickening murder. It’s not the first video that showed black men and women murdered by police, but it was the straw that broke the camel’s back. It unleashed simmering rage. I see change coming. I hope I’m not naïve. There will be fierce opposition, but laws are being enacted and the nation is rethinking criminal justice and policing. The Black Lives Matter movement is unstoppable. The near-universal outrage will inspire more people to vote, and we’ll take the country back from those who are destroying our democracy. … [Read more...] about David Sheff: Turning Grief into Active Compassion
Emotions are also mistakenly seen as absolutes; as solid entities that are either good or bad, sweet or sour, painful or pleasant. But the emotions we actually feel are fusions of many different feelings. We rarely feel pure anger or happiness. Happiness might have a sad undertow, while anger might be tinged with sorrow. Grief is even more powerful, subtle, and complex. This is why it is so overwhelming. It is an amalgam of all our most powerful feelings in a distressing roiling cauldron of emotion. It is anger at the injustice, bitterness about the loss, fear for the future, regrets about the times you were less than perfect. There is loneliness, too, but also happiness at their memory, and thankfulness for their presence in your life. … [Read more...] about Should You Try To “Get Over” Grief?