Source: Ewen Roberts/Creative Commons We've had an enduring love affair with Kermit and Miss Piggy's tempestuous relationship. A mirror through which we could safely explore the changing and expanding roles of men and women in our culture, they also became a vehicle through which we could catch glimmers of the future. Most importantly, they've helped us learn about the challenge and value of balancing yin and yang in an ever-changing world. Piggy and Kermit broke the stereotypes of their time (the '70s and '80s) and surprised us with a female character taking on more of the yang—the fierce, discriminating, "masculine" energy (Hi-ya!)—and the male character taking on more of the yin—the warm, receptive, and inviting "feminine" energy. They reflected and anticipated the changes of the times, with the female character taking on the independent, take-charge, and empowered gumption of coming into the spotlight, while the male character took on the sensitive and … [Read more...] about What Kermit and Piggy Taught Us About Yin and Yang
Attitude change life
Source: Photograph by Jody Hong Films. Copyright free. Unsplash Recently, I reposted an article I'd written about estrangement—or “No Contact” as it’s informally called on Facebook—and got pushback from mothers who were estranged from their adult children and who did not initiate the cut-off. What they had to say was achingly familiar—it’s what I and other daughters who’ve made this painful but sometimes necessary decision have heard from our mothers, family members, people we know, and strangers alike. It was a consistent narrative composed of declared innocence (“I was a good mother"; “She was loved and cared for”), defensiveness and rationalization (“She didn’t like being held as a baby”; “She resisted any effort to discipline her”; “Everyone agreed she was a problem”), and downright blaming (“She has always been difficult”; “She is extremely … [Read more...] about What Science Knows About Adult Child-Parent Estrangement
Source: Self-Love/Fee Images from Pixabay How Treatable Are Narcissists? The age-old problem with diagnosing mental disorders is that once you pin someone with a label, you tend to “fix” that person in time and space. Labels are typically both reductive and absolutist. And in this curious world of ours, just about everything human is relative—and changeable. To make matters more complicated still, there are instances where a person’s psychopathology is irremediable—say, in a hard-core sociopath, or one with severe autism or organic brain damage. And to add yet another level of complexity, one problem that, say, almost all discussions on narcissism encounter is that—like virtually all mental and emotional disorders—there are degrees of this disturbance. Many individuals reveal narcissistic traits, while a only a few of them embody a full-blown narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). In my own professional work with narcissistic individuals, … [Read more...] about Can You Help a Narcissist Become Less Self-Absorbed?
Source: Catalin Petolea/Shutterstock Everyone feels insecure from time to time, perhaps particularly in certain situations. You may feel that you’re not as attractive, intelligent, or well-situated in life as you could be. Comparing yourself to the people around you can make you feel even worse. Some people compensate for insecurities by trying to show that they’re better than others. They may constantly brag about their achievements, remind others about their successes (even if others are well aware of these), or belittle their friends and family members. The psychologist Alfred Adler, who coined the term “inferiority complex,” referred to this tendency as “striving for superiority.” In the worst case scenario, striving for superiority means that you’re stepping on the feelings of those around you. The only way you can make yourself feel bigger is by making them feel smaller. There are times when … [Read more...] about Why We Feel Insecure, and How We Can Stop
Source: Flickr image by Joe Bart We know it’s important to love ourselves. But what does it really mean to love and care for yourself? For some people, self-love means taking a warm bath or pampering themselves with a massage or manicure. Yet, the elusive self-love that we seek requires something deeper than anything we can "do" for ourselves. Self-love means finding peace within ourselves — resting comfortably within the depths of our being. We might find temporary respite by doing something to nurture ourselves. But a deeper inner peace requires cultivating a certain way of being with ourselves — a warm and nurturing attitude toward what we experience inside. The suggestions that follow are derived from Focusing, developed by Dr. Eugene Gendlin. Sometimes called the Focusing Attitude, this is simply a way of being nonjudgmentally kind, present, and mindful toward whatever we happen to be experiencing. Gendlin has stated, … [Read more...] about What It Really Means to Love Yourself