Sections SEARCH Skip to content Skip to site index Style Subscribe Log In Subscribe Log In Today’s Paper Advertisement Supported by the sweet spot Can a reader unlearn the sense of validation she gets from male adoration? ByCheryl Strayed and Steve Almond Sept. 25, 2018 Dear Sugars, I’m a 24-year-old woman still solidifying her identity, especially when it comes to love and relationships. I have a desire to be adored by men. This desire started when I began to feel the pressures of the “male gaze,” as it appeared in movies, TV, books — everywhere. Men thought the ideal woman was beautiful but not vain; sexy but not slutty; game for pizza and beer but skinny; willing to comply with her partner’s sexual desires but not seek her own with other men. As an adolescent, these expectations ran through my head constantly. I secretly wanted to be every man’s dream girl. Pathetic, right? I felt … [Read more...] about I’m in Love. But I Still Crave the Attention of Other Men.
Advice on love and life from dear sugar
Sections SEARCH Skip to content Skip to site index Style Subscribe Log In Subscribe Log In Advertisement Supported by the sweet spot A reader tries to process her sexual assault by person who supposedly knew her — and all her vulnerabilities — better than anyone. ByCheryl Strayed and Steve Almond April 25, 2018 Dear Sugars, Last weekend my best friend date raped me. We were both drinking — he more than I — and he verbally pressured me to have sex. I said I didn’t want to, but he didn’t listen. Afterward I cried. He went downstairs and we both fell asleep. I’m utterly devastated. Eventually I brought it up; I’m not very brave, and it took a lot to confront him. He’s apologized profusely and generously, but it still happened. Some background: We became friends while dealing with heartbreak. My marriage fell apart, and his engagement ended. He’s been there for me during the most … [Read more...] about My Best Friend’s Worst Betrayal
Sections SEARCH Skip to content Skip to site index Style Subscribe Log In Subscribe Log In Advertisement Supported by The sweet spot What to do when your partner ruins their credit — and credibility. Here’s how to fix financial infidelity. ByCheryl Strayed and Steve Almond April 17, 2018 Dear Sugars, My husband and I are both 30. We’ve been married five years. Several months ago, we decided to begin the process of becoming homeowners. After meeting with a mortgage broker, who mentioned he’d be checking our credit reports, my husband was distraught. He soon confessed that he’d opened credit card accounts without telling me and he’d racked up $5,000 in debt. This might not seem like much, but my husband is a full-time college student, paying his way with student loans that we’ll have to begin repaying when he graduates next year. I’m employed full time, but I also have student loan debt, and I … [Read more...] about My Husband Got Secret Credit Cards and Maxed Them Out
Sections SEARCH Skip to content Skip to site index Subscribe Log In Subscribe Log In Advertisement Style Supported by The Sweet Spot BySteve Almond and Cheryl Strayed April 10, 2018 Dear Sugars, How do I cut myself some slack? I’m 22. I support myself by working as a server at a restaurant while attending community college, where I have a 4.0 GPA and am pursuing a degree in gender studies. I’ve never been late to my job, which I’ve kept for nearly four years. My goal is to pursue my passion for writing, to earn an income while incorporating my love of comedy and political justice. My past sounds melodramatic. By 17, I’d left high school and moved out on my own. I’ve survived divorced parents, a neglectful childhood, depression, an eating disorder, an abusive relationship, a traumatic car accident and a sexual assault. Seeing that list, it sounds absurd that all of that could happen to me. But here I … [Read more...] about Why Is the Greatest Love of All Also the Hardest?
Sections SEARCH Skip to content Skip to site index Subscribe Log In Subscribe Log In Advertisement Style Supported by The Sweet Spot ByCheryl Strayed and Steve Almond March 27, 2018 Dear Sugars, I had an affair with a co-worker that lasted several months. Though I had reservations about his character, we had an intense sexual connection. Due to the small, gossipy nature of our workplace, I repeatedly demanded discretion. He promised to never discuss my private life at work. I found myself falling for him and needed to set boundaries, so I ended the affair. Soon after this, my co-worker’s supervisor revealed he’d been hearing about our relationship from Day 1. He knew details about my sexuality (I’m bisexual, but not out at work) and our affair that he could only have learned from my ex, who it seems was seeking validation from his buddies by bragging about our involvement. I was devastated, but I also blamed myself. … [Read more...] about I Had an Affair With a Co-Worker. He Betrayed Me. Now What?