Let me emphasize that I'm not meaning to be preachy, but what I've written above has worked for me and others who have devoted many years to all sorts of issues centering on animal protection and on the health of our planet. From a practical point of view, one bottom line is when things get tough and you're feeling challenged, down, and ready to give up, shut it down for a while, rekindle, and get back to the hard work when you're ready. There's no doubt that animal suffering will continue in all corners of the world and the lives of countless other animals are imperiled. However, there also are "good" things happening and these can be used to keep us inspired and engaged when it looks like there's little or no hope. … [Read more...] about Rewilding Hope, Detaching Cyclically, and Remaining Positive
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Personally, what works for me is to work hard, play hard, and rest hard, and to repeat this cycle as often as necessary, especially when it feels like there's little or no hope. Playing and resting hard are parts of cyclically detaching from whatever it is that's wearing me down. And, practicing the routine can work wonders. What's key is to recognize that when things simply get to be too much and the easy-to-understand tendency is to give up in exhaustion, it's best to stop what you're doing, to rest your head, heart, and body, and do something else. Rather than thinking something like, "Oh no, another ride" or "Oh my, another abusive situation with which to deal," step aside, do something else, rest, rekindle, and get back to what you love to do. … [Read more...] about Rewilding Hope, Detaching Cyclically, & Remaining Positive
Returning to my previous example, if in your past communicating freely was far more punishing than rewarding, you learned, defensively, that the best way to reduce your frustration or emotional pain was either to suppress your thoughts, feelings, wants, and needs—or to deny them altogether. Or, righteously concluding that you really deserved what you couldn’t receive, you might have developed the habit of pursuing pugnaciously that which earlier you were denied. Because assertiveness is truly the golden mean—situated midway between the equally self-defeating reactions of utter passivity and belligerent aggression—doing psychological repair work to rectify these harmful habits necessitates rewriting old programs as to what is, and isn’t, adaptive for you. … [Read more...] about How Is Rewriting History the Goal of All Therapy?
With a stance of taking your loved one's faults, inadequacies, and mistakes as givens, you can look at what your options are. How could you respond in a new, more relaxed, and more effective way when you see a behavior that you dislike? If the behavior is so egregious as to be dangerous, you can, and probably should, leave. If you are going to stay, however, how can you respond in new ways? … [Read more...] about Am I Heading for a Bad Marriage? My Spouse Is So Annoying
If you recognize any of these patterns, don't be too hard on yourself. Being excessively self-critical isn't helpful and will impede you from actually making any changes. These are all common patterns and nothing to be ashamed of. Pick one change you'd like to work on from reading this article, and make a simple plan to do that. Pay attention to point #7 that your goal should be to improve your patterns, not completely eliminate problems. This is much more achievable and can even be enjoyable! … [Read more...] about Seven Self-Sabotaging Things Perfectionists Do